Thursday, 2 June 2011

Autism and Social Etiquette..Bite Me! No, really could you bite me?

Around the age of four to five.

                At the very busy supermarket one fine day Mikey and I were doing grocery shopping. Mikey was attached to me via a wrist strap, the only thing that worked for when he bolts, which he does often and having no concept of danger has caused me several hundred mini heart attacks.
So, there we are at the fruit and veg, me looking for a lettuce "What the hell was I thinking?! Mikey will not eat lettuce! He has grazed my hydrangea almost down to the roots but put some lettuce on his plate will see it plastered to the floor, walls and probably my face!!"

                I felt a soft tug on the strap and looked at Mikey. In front of Mikey was, slightly bent over, a mini skirted long legged lady, Mikey had lifted her skirt up all the way to her waist and was having a really studious look at her now very exposed buttocks as was half the staff and customers at the supermarket. It was one of those moments where the world falls into a almost frozen in time silence. 
Before I could guide Mikey away the woman realised what was happening and spun around. I apologised profusely, she just smiled and said it was ok. Patted Mikey on the head and strode off.  All I could think was "Thank God she is wearing underwear! If I were you I would go home run a bath, and have a good cry! In Fact I think I will do that myself! Where is my genie's lamp when I need it to get me the F**k out of here? Arghhhhhhh!" .. Calmly, we went to the tills, paid for our lettuce, screw the rest of the shopping and left with what seemed like a hundred pairs of eyes watching us go.

Lesson learned, keep Mikey out of reach of innocent short skirt wearing people. Sadly for me, this fascination developed into lifting peoples shirts and also smelling crotches, oh so many crotches sniffed by Mikey I thought about carrying a recording of my voice, apologising.

               We lived in a small one bedroom garden flat for the first five years of Mikey's life. With all the difficulties we had, finding a bigger home to rent was impossible so I turned to my local council, I needed help to find more appropriate housing, I pay my rent but no private landlord would take us. Mikey is an escape artist, I need special windows and safety bars and gates and alarms and so many many things.
               The housing officer came to visit us and the interview went really well, the man knew of a housing association that dealt specifically with our kind of need, and he would make sure we got the help. A dead pan expression kind of fellow, not one hair on his head, big bushy beard and about six and a half feet tall (the man, not the beard). The man sat patiently on my couch and listened to me describe our lifestyle, and rattle on about the various difficulties we had, for about an hour during which Mikey attached himself to the mans head and shoulders and perched there, like a monkey and proceeded to lick the mans head. For 45 mind numbingly embarrassing minutes.
I laughed, on and off for about three years.

A rare moment where Mikey is looking directly at the camera


John Salmon said...

Wow! Samantha. This blog is a roller coaster of emotion.

You are really conjuring up some great images here. I can't get the idea of the little monkey licking baldies head, the crotch sniffing or the skirt lifting out of my mind now.

I can only guess at how embarrassed you must have felt during these episodes but looking back they must still make you laugh out loud. Golden memories for the future. It's great to read them.

You can't help but have a sneaky admiration for young Mikey. What a boy!

Samantha Anne Hutchinson said...

John, I tell you! Life with Spider Boy is an emotional rollercoaster. He has an amazing sense of humour now. The times I have laughed and cried, at the same time. Now, 11 years into his precious life I find I have developed a thicker skin in terms of what other people say and do toward us. Most people we have encountered have been so good and forgiving! Others, well I am quite sure I will get to them in this blog! I could write a novel about Mikey and his Autism. Spider Boy meets Rolled up Newspaper Mom..

mavis said...

I remember that time Sam, what an embarassment for you. Remember when you were visiting SA when he was about 5. We were in the shops,
spider boy was being a terror with an angel's face, you were yelling like a banshee, and people (typical South Africans) were stopping to stare at you in a very hostile way obviously thinking "should we call the child welfare?" We came home, you through him in the jacuzzi, where the Water Boy played happily the rest of the day - until he wondered how sand would look bubbling in the water.
Keep the stories flowing . Love Mom

Samantha Anne Hutchinson said...

I'll never forget that trip Mom...I remember a 12 hour flight all of which Mikey kicked the seat in front of him and screeched at one point fellow passengers shouted at him to shut up then Mikey wriggling out of my grasp and running through the security at customs to be halted by a machine gun wielding guard. I thought about asking that man to shoot me in the face...! Remember Mikey escaping your home and you having to chase him down the road, him merrily dashing in and out of peoples properties?...I've started counting my grey hairs because I earned every single one!

José Carrilho (Go Detail) said...

"... but no private landlord would take us."

Well, it's called ignorance.

Kind regards,


Samantha Anne Hutchinson said...

Thank you Jose, yes it most certainly is! Sadly the world is full of it!
Thank you for your comment.

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