Autism and Social Etiquette..Bite Me! No, really could you bite me?

Around the age of four to five.

                At the very busy supermarket one fine day Mikey and I were doing grocery shopping. Mikey was attached to me via a wrist strap, the only thing that worked for when he bolts, which he does often and having no concept of danger has caused me several hundred mini heart attacks.
So, there we are at the fruit and veg, me looking for a lettuce "What the hell was I thinking?! Mikey will not eat lettuce! He has grazed my hydrangea almost down to the roots but put some lettuce on his plate will see it plastered to the floor, walls and probably my face!!"

                I felt a soft tug on the strap and looked at Mikey. In front of Mikey was, slightly bent over, a mini skirted long legged lady, Mikey had lifted her skirt up all the way to her waist and was having a really studious look at her now very exposed buttocks as was half the staff and customers at the supermarket. It was one of those moments where the world falls into a almost frozen in time silence. 

Before I could guide Mikey away the woman realised what was happening and spun around. I apologised profusely, she just smiled and said it was ok. Patted Mikey on the head and strode off.  All I could think was "Thank God she is wearing underwear! If I were you I would go home run a bath, and have a good cry! In Fact I think I will do that myself! Where is my genie's lamp when I need it to get me the F**k out of here? Arghhhhhhh!" .. Calmly, we went to the tills, paid for our lettuce, screw the rest of the shopping and left with what seemed like a hundred pairs of eyes watching us go.

Lesson learned, keep Mikey out of reach of innocent short skirt wearing people. Sadly for me, this fascination developed into lifting peoples shirts and also smelling crotches, oh so many crotches sniffed by Mikey I thought about carrying a recording of my voice, apologising.

               We lived in a small one bedroom garden flat for the first five years of Mikey's life. With all the difficulties we had, finding a bigger home to rent was impossible so I turned to my local council, I needed help to find more appropriate housing, I pay my rent but no private landlord would take us. Mikey is an escape artist, I need special windows and safety bars and gates and alarms and so many many things.

 

               The housing officer came to visit us and the interview went really well, the man knew of a housing association that dealt specifically with our kind of need, and he would make sure we got the help. A dead pan expression kind of fellow, not one hair on his head, big bushy beard and about six and a half feet tall (the man, not the beard). The man sat patiently on my couch and listened to me describe our lifestyle, and rattle on about the various difficulties we had, for about an hour during which Mikey attached himself to the mans head and shoulders and perched there, like a monkey and proceeded to lick the mans head. For 45 mind numbingly embarrassing minutes.

I laughed, on and off for about three years.

A rare moment where Mikey is looking directly at the camera